A fight ensues. I resent that he got to escape the monotony of life with a newborn. He resents that I don't appreciate how hard he works to support us.
Both of us resent the other for having what seems like the easier job. Before having kids, my husband and I hardly ever fought. But after my son arrived, we suddenly turned into one of those couples on the Maury Povich show, screaming into each other's face.
Unfortunately but reassuringly , this is normal. Researchers have found that relationship satisfaction takes a dive in the first five years of parenthood. Many of us live far from our extended families, leaving us without grandma to give us a few hours off. Many of us also may have started off very career-driven, so the shift to full-time motherhood or having to balance career with baby comes as a shock. And now dads are also expected to take a hands-on approach to fatherhood, shaking up traditional gender roles.
All that makes for a messy transition to this new phase of life. Between hormones, physical discomfort after birth, and a complete upheaval of your daily routine, it's perfectly normal to feel resentful of a partner who gets to walk about pain-free without breastmilk-stained shirts or a child clinging to his body.
But there are things you can do to alleviate the resentment and work to make your relationship stronger in the long run.
Clarify your roles. Until you have clearly outlined who is supposed to do what, how can you know if your expectations are realistic? To combat resentment, "sit down and say, 'these are the unsolved problems we have,' and then face the problem together. Check in with your own emotions. Sometimes our own internal struggle can manifest as resentment even when our partner isn't doing anything wrong.
After a difficult journey to motherhood, including two miscarriages, three months of bedrest, and having to pump in the public bathroom at work, Tracy Kreiss, a year-old Californian mom of two found that "my baby wanted nothing to do with me. Kreiss resented her husband because he hadn't suffered through the physical, mental, emotional issues she had. Plus, she was carrying all of the family's finances, and, says Kreiss, "my kid didn't like me!
Sometimes just acknowledging these feelings can help you move on and find ways to work together. Community Guidelines Community Glossary.
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Newest First. Violation Reported. Show 4 Previous Comments. LoveKid, All I can say is that I get really enraged during my pregnancies. Everything he does gets on my nerves and when he kisses me I like feel weird. I even feel disconnected from the pregnancy. I feel bad somewhat Because he is a great man.
Like break up! Help Me, Heidi! In April Babies Am I crazy? What would you do? I have Latest: 2 days ago exhaustedparentlol. Should be 12 weeks, saw babys heartbeat at 6 weeks, found out we lost baby at 11 weeks, baby passed at 10 weeks, everything Latest: 8 months ago GodisaMiracleworker.
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Note that once you confirm, this action cannot be undone. Delete Comment? Are you sure you want to delete your comment? Please specify a reason for deleting this reply from the community. Review your expectations and consider whether they're reasonable. What do you really want, and why? Then approach your partner as you would a friend. Tell your partner first about all of the things he is doing right, including the little things like remembering to buy milk and the bigger things like refinancing the house to allow you a longer maternity leave.
Have a heart-to-heart about your own expectations, vulnerabilities, and frustrations, with the goal of appreciating each other more as you bring a baby into your family. All content on this Web site, including medical opinion and any other health-related information, is for informational purposes only and should not be considered to be a specific diagnosis or treatment plan for any individual situation.
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When You Resent Your Partner. By Dr. Laura Riley October 11,
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