And we should certainly continue to dedicate ourselves to our craft, but without compromising our well-being. Perfectionists tend to get very attached to their goals. But is that true? Perhaps there were things that cropped up. Perhaps your approach was wrong.
Realize that your goals are meant as guides, not absolutes. You are more than your goals and achievements. You are here to make a huge dent in the universe. What this means is, continue to set big goals. Let your heart run wild with your biggest goals and dreams, and let them guide you. Remember, your real goal in life is to grow and work on being your best self.
Your goals are simply guides to help you do so. I used to prioritize work over my personal life, which includes my relationships as well. But this is a poor message in retrospect.
You have your family. You have your relationships. You have the people you love. For some of you, your motivation or part of your motivation to do well at work is likely driven by your loved ones. Allocate time for your relationships. Set aside some time for your loved ones each day. Show them care and concern. Give them a hug, a kiss, each time you see them. Ask them how they are doing and get involved in their days.
Very importantly, remember to treat them as individuals, without prejudice or expectations that may surface from a perfectionist mind. I find that perfectionists tend to focus on lack while having very harsh expectations of themselves. Flame and another colleague — a fellow perfectionist — hemmed and hawed over the proposal. Finally, Flame asked her colleague a critical question: Is this pitch good enough for the client? They submitted the pitch, and the client loved it. This approval was a powerful signal to Flame.
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Read more on Managing yourself or related topics Motivating people , Stress management , Time management and Personal productivity. Rebecca Knight is currently a senior correspondent at Insider covering careers and the workplace. Previously she was a freelance journalist and a lecturer at Wesleyan University.
Go for good enough. Aiming for perfection usually winds up in a project or something else never being finished. So go for good enough instead. How to find that balance? I have found my own balance through trial and error and experience.
It sounds so good and wonderful and you want it. But in real life it clashes with reality and tends to: Cause much suffering and stress within you and in the people around you. Harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects etc.
I find it very helpful to remind myself of these simple facts. Accept that you are human and so are everyone else. Set human standards for everyone and accept that life is like that. At least not by reasonably well-balanced human beings, like most people actually are in reality. Compare yourself to yourself.
So compare yourself to yourself… See your improvement and how far you have come. Look back at what you have overcome. Appreciate yourself and focus what you have done and are doing rather than what everyone else is doing.
Do what you think is the right thing. Shape an environment of human standards around you. Emotions are contagious. So is perfectionism. You can reshape your environment by for example: Reducing or cutting out the sources that try to reinforce perfectionism in you. Spending less time with nervously perfectionistic people. You can unsubscribe anytime. I need to restructure my expectations.
Wishing you well. Thank you so much for this. I have been a perfectionist my whole life because school has always taught me to do the best you can so I end up taking way too long doing assignments making sure there is nothing I can improve. I hope these tips can help me because I really need to start working on stopping this since I just moved on to high school and I have a lot more work to do now.
Awesome that you are already starting to work on this now, Bob. Wishing you well in High School and beyond. Thank you so much and good luck to everyone out there as well dealing with this! Wow, Hannah. Thank you, your post is really helpful. Reading it is like looking at the mirror. It is really difficult to overcome perfectionism, stop research and start actually writing.
I will try the techniques you mentioned. What you have described is exactly my situatuion. Thank you for describing it so well. But still letting go of that habit is a challenge. Thank yoy for posting this. But now I want to not overthinking about anything. This is what I look for to change me and my mindset not to have high standards for better life.
Thank you again. I was a very obedient child so I had to be perfect in all that I did. I had to be perfect for my mother and my brother. My father was emotionally absent from my life. Being an extreme perfectionist has caused me a lifetime of being depressed, medication and hospital stays. I am now 67 years old and struggling with depression because I still want everything to be perfect. By seeing a therapist, I have found this about myself.
Thank you for your article. This was exactly what I needed to read today. I completely relate! Thinking the books may focus on the underlying issues. Thanks for your insight. This article is really useful. Have a nice day! Wishing you well in your senior year and beyond.
And may you be kind and gentle with yourself. Hi, I have always known deep down I had an issue with perfect! When I took my driving test, every pot hole I ran over was a minor … by the time I got back to the test centre I was sure I failed. Turns out I passed with only 4 minors. I am now having this exact problem being a mature student at university. I have an essay plan due the 20th Nov, I have finished this essay plan but I have changed it 4 times and it is NOT perfect.
I clearly have some work to do regarding this perfectionist attitude. You are welcome, Gemma. Thank you for sharing! Yesterday I saw the pre print of my thesis, and I noticed 3 insignificant errors. It was beyond the point of correcting without making a lot of commotion. It still makes me sort of sick to know these minor glitches are present in my thesis, but I am using the situation as an opportunity to silence my perfectionism.
A psychologist told me that sometimes perfectionism is not wanting to do everything perfect but whipping yourself that you are always not doing enough. This is me. What a good observation from this psychologist! You are not alone, Ellie. Thank you for sharing here. Hey… Thank you for this post. I guess perfectionism has been holding me back from doing so so much in life. Right from even commenting on this very post.
I decided to comment after reading your amazing article. Thanks a lot again. I hope to keep on improving.
Hi Sumit — congratulations on commenting on this post! What a great step, and please count it as a WIN! Thanks, this helped to clean my mind off that thought. I am reading this and I definitely am tearing up. I have been totally paralyzed by engaging in perfectionism. I printed out your article so that I look at it every day. I just really need to change this; perfectionism.
At the very least a shed some tears, and maybe now I can start to notice I will talk to myself and changing some habits. Thank you for putting out this blog. Reading through, I found many scenarios and tips resonated with me strongly. I have this project on redesigning his business for improved performance which I volunteered to work with my former boss.
Meanwhile, knowing I have only recently developed interest in the field of Management and Organisations, a departure from my background in international politics, I feel I have amassed all the possible knowledge to start the project.
So I noticed I continue to study and learn in a way to prepare me to deliver this project, test my new found interest in the real world and maybe consider a career change. However, for weeks now, as I continue to learn through online courses and readings, I feel so unready. Just wanted to say thank you for writing this, May, because I really needed it. I already could tell it was hurting my career, and reading this helped make things clearer for me.
Thank you so much! Thank you for this post! It totally hit home for me. Just as you laid out, what was a gift at the beginning of my career, is now a hurdle I NEED to overcome for the sake of career and mental health.
Thanks for helping me see that. I literally feel a bit lighter having read your post. The first step is acknowledging I have this issue! I just found this article so easy to relate to. My happiness is on the line because of my high expectations and the way I have spread myself so thin because of it. I can totally relate. I used to fatigue myself mentally through analysis paralysis for days and weeks about something as simple as following an exercise routine or just cooking meals.
Or motivation letters. Or obsessively plan a date. But my dissertation struggle of 2 years and the continuous failure associated with it, ironically caused by a fear of failure, knocked me out.
Changed my personality for the worse from optimistic and cheerful to cynical and resentful guy. Luckily last year after taking a time out to reflect on my studies and my behavior, I became aware of my perfectionism in writing and handed in my dissertation 2 months before the deadline. I now prioritize killing my behavioral flaw asap before it ruins my relationships, career, health, basically everything. I find tip 7 and 8 most useful.
Then, i would attach tip 7 to this. Not doing it or not doing it by a certain realistic deadline will result in harsh negative consequences. After 24 hours have passed you look at all the things you could have done and missed out on because of your perfectionism.
You will not be happy. Your anger will motivate you to finish quickly. Then the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time you want to accomplish something, you will be better at it and more efficient and miss out less on LIFE.
Thats the point. It makes no sense to repeat your mistakes everytime without learning from them. Finally, at some point, you adopt the habit of zeroing on the main purpose of your goal and just execute and not care about unimportant little details.
Ultimate goal. Only by changing your belief you can change your behavior and that will improve your results. You have to consciously and consistently remove it. Goal: not be afraid of failure. Almost instantly. See, whatever you avoid you make bigger and more intimidating, and whatever you confront you make smaller and less intimidating. It sounds strange but tell yourself you actually want that failure so so much and that fear is gone.
And you would be right if your goal was perfection. I hate to break it to you but nobody and nothing in this world was, is and will be perfect, ever. Name one thing or person.
Whether you work on something 1 month or 80 years, the result will be imperfect. There will always be something someone can find what can be improved. Strive for imperfection instead and make mistakes. If you know this, you win everytime. You win at life.
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